names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
