Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
