in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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