The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize