3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
