saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
