So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize