believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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