I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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