I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
