he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you traded sex for a burrito?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
