Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
