your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I look excited, but its just a facade.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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