I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
