guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize