Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize