I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
