You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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