hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
