Jerry, you need to find god
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
