one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
