I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
