you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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