yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
