We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
