just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
