I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
