david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
high people should be assigned attendants
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
