The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
