I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
