So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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