Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm always down for nudity.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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