Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
