you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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