Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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