I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize