Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
