i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
