oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
