I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
