Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
