I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My feet surprised me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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