You made me cry and you don't even care
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize