Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
