I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
