My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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