you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
