My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
