we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize