I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
