Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
