I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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