i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
