Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize