You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
