Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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