How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize