just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
