Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He better not be in your backpack
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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