I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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