I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
