you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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