Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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