Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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