That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Bring me that man meat
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
