Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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