How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
