dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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