he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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