i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
