WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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