I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
