wanna go halves on a baby?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Randomize
