so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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