Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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