Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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