I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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