i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
