Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
