3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
