Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
