I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sorry my hands just texted you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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