i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My ATM looks so different sober.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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