This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
