The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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