I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
