i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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