just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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