Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
