oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
