this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
