it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
why do cheetos always look like penises
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
