:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
