my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
