We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
